It's been hard for this first time mom

I am quick to admit that it has been hard and quite a challenge for me as a first time mom. I have never really had experience of taking care of children. I may have had younger siblings and cousins but I never took care of them. Growing up in an extended family, there were uncles and an aunt that took care of me, my siblings and cousins aside from our parents. So when I had Toyang, I had to learn on my own how to take care of a baby. And I never thought that taking care of a baby is an overwhelming task. From the time Toyang was born up until she was 2 weeks old I had no sleep! People said that I should sleep while my baby is sleeping. But I couldn't because that's the time when I clean baby stuff, cook or do house chores. It was hard for me during the first month because it was only my husband and I who were taking care of Toyang. And when my husband goes to work, I am left alone to take care of our baby. I remember sending SMS to my mom everyday during that first month asking her when they will come to visit us. I just felt that I needed more help and needed more time for myself. At some point I thought that I had postpartum depression because of the difficulties I experienced as a first time mom.

While I said that being a first time mom was hard, it became easier for me now thanks to the support of my husband, family, friends and also to Toyang. I thank my family especially my mom for taking care of me and Toyang. She helped us find a yaya to take care of Toyang while I am at work (though I am not entirely happy with this yaya but more on that later). I also thank my mommy friends to whom I share my concerns as a first time parent. No one could understand me better than fellow mothers. I also thank my husband for being a doting and responsible father. I am grateful to him for really taking the time to be with us as much as he can during that first month despite his busy schedule at work. I also thank him most especially for all the sacrifices he has made to be able to support his young family (more on this later as well). Of course I am also grateful to Toyang because she is growing to be a happy and healthy baby. As she grows it is becoming easier to take care of her. And her smile and laughter just makes our day!

Ang iyong ngiti

Ang iyong ngiti ang pumapawi ng pagod at lungkot, ang nagbibigay ng pag-asa at saya

Ang iyong ngiti ang aking inspirasyon at lakas sa pang-araw-araw

Mahal na mahal kita

No breastfeeding

It is unfortunate that I was not able to breastfeed Toyang. I really felt bad about it that I cried about it for weeks. At one point I thought that I had experienced postpartum depression and that these were one of the reasons for them. I worried about not being able to breastfeed because we are already struggling financially, and this is an additional financial burden for us.

I felt it was a combination of several factors that is why I was unable to breastfeed. But the main reason why we were not successful at breastfeeding is that Toyang was not able to latch on me. I got hurt when I heard a comment that "wala akong tiyaga" (I had no perseverance). And whenever I remember that I always felt guilty and sad. God knows we (my husband and I) did all we can so that I could breastfeed. While I originally intended to breastfeed, I admit that breastfeeding was something that I really did not prepare for. I thought it was a natural thing I did not think it will be difficult. Maybe there was something that we did wrong or we did not do. Maybe because I did not get enough support. Maybe because I did not have time because I had other concerns to attend to. I had to go back to work one month after giving birth because I had to earn money.

It took a while before I was able to accept that this is the reality for us. A mommy friend had told me not to beat myself up on it, that I should find joy in taking care of my baby regardless of whatever milk she gets. These words have comforted me in those times that I cried over not being able to breastfeed. With regards to finances, thankfully my husband and I are still able to make ends meet. God provides! Ultimately, what I really wanted is for Toyang to be a happy and healthy baby, and so far she has been so :)

Maligayang pagdating!

Hunyo 30, 2012 ang isa sa mga pinakamaligayang araw ng inyong Ate. Ang inyong ate ay naging isang ganap na ina! Isinilang niya ang isang maganda at malusog na sanggol na babae. Ang kanyang palayaw ay Toyang, mula sa isa sa kanyang mga pangalan na Vittoria.

Maligayang pagdating, munting anghel! Mahal na mahal ka namin ng iyong ama :)